


Sweetheart You Look A Little Tired

by indecisivelarry



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, I can't believe marvel made me type that with my own two hands, M/M, Post-Avengers: Infinity War Part 1 (Movie), loki deserved better and that's the motherfucking tea, this is thor saying goodbye to loki
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-20
Updated: 2018-07-20
Packaged: 2019-06-12 05:49:34
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,495
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15333177
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/indecisivelarry/pseuds/indecisivelarry
Summary: Thor travels back in time. He owes Loki a proper goodbye.





	Sweetheart You Look A Little Tired

**Author's Note:**

> But there’s this space between us, always this space between us.  
> — Richard Siken, Love from a Distance

The royal library is dead silent, thanks the Norns. There is a reason Loki started his reading sessions so early in the morning. Sure, he could go to his room or even find a quiet hidden spot somewhere in his mother’s garden, but there is something about sitting alone at the palace’s library that just feels…unpolluted. 

And a big gain of this daily routine is that Thor still hasn’t figured it out where Loki spends his mornings. Sometimes he hears him enter the library, but he just looks around the first couple of bookshelves before he loses his patience and retreats. Idle, idle work. 

His coronation will be in a couple weeks. Loki can’t say he’s exactly surprised about their father’s choice. He had anticipated it since they were children. In his tone, in his gestures, in his affections. If there’s something Loki takes pride on possessing, is the ability to read people like a book. Odin only had adoration for his oldest son and Loki learned to not let it sting him as much as it once did. 

But Odin’s choice wasn’t really one, was it? It just was the way it was supposed to go. But Loki’s not bitter. Why would he want a throne? Absolutely unnecessary. He doesn’t want to be tied down to anything ever. No thanks. 

He just wishes his father would’ve at least seen him as a possible worthy contender. His childhood was filled with echoes of “You should learn more from Thor, Loki! Look at him! Take something from him!” 

To him, it only sounded like “You should be less like you Loki! 

He’s not bitter. 

 

It's hours before Loki's precious lonely reading session is rudely interrupted. Loki has been devouring the latest book his mother recommended about weapon conjuring when he hears someone approaching his spot. How dare them distract him. 

Slow, undecided steps make their way towards him, accompanied with some heavy breathing. And this obviously happens as he's in the middle of the most fascinating chapter so far. 

At last, Loki unwillingly decides to look up from his current page, planning to give the intruder the most hostile look he can manage from his sitting position against the wall. 

However, the second his eyes land on the intruder’s face, he stops breathing. 

His brother is standing a couple steps away from him. Only he doesn’t look like his brother at all. 

A strange buzzcut adorns his head. His red and silver armor is gone and black one takes its place. Mjolnir is nowhere to be seen. Instead, he’s holding a giant….axe? What the hell is going on? 

Somehow, the thing that stands out the most to him, are his eyes. Thor looks completely defeated, a demeanour Loki has only seen a couple rare times. He looks like he has aged a thousand years. He’s visibly shaking and looking at Loki like he can’t quite believe he’s there. Same here, Loki thinks. 

None of them dare to speak. Both a bit too entertained looking at each other like men looking at their reflection in a mirror for the first time. 

In the end It’s Loki who breaks the silence. He clears his throat and it sounds way too loud, the echo reaching the deepest corners of the library. He’s not very proud at how actually interested he sounds when he utters: “Who are you?” 

His “brother” laughs a bitter laugh. He places his weapon against a bookshelf very very slowly and looks at the ground. The bastard even waits a couple seconds to actually come up with something. 

“I think you can take a wild guess brother” 

“Well yeah…but you look like shit” Loki gets out ungracefully. “You know, worse than the usual” 

Thor laughs again. This time he looks like he’s about to cry. His lips trembling. 

“Oh Loki”, he murmurs. 

“I don’t understand. You better explain yourself because I could swear I had breakfast with a different you this morning”, Loki manages to say. Has his stupid brute brother learned to clone himself? Oh this is worse than he could’ve ever imagined, how can- 

“I’m him but 8 years older” Thor interrupts Loki’s mind battle. 

“Hilarious. How daft do you think I am honestly?” Loki spits out as he stands up from his comfortable, comfortable pillows. Is he mocking him? Not surprising really, but surely he has better things to do than play pretend. 

Still he insists. “Loki please this is not what I came here to say”, he has ever sounded so desperate, so scared. And somehow it makes Loki stop dead in his tracks. 

He takes a couple steps forward this man and starts noticing a couple aging lines. Small scars on his hands and neck. But the real surprise are his brother's eyes. One blue as the ocean, one golden like their father’s throne. 

“Impossible.” Loki whispers, “Not even mother knows how manipulate time” 

“Please brother I really don’t have much time to spare here”, he continues, “I’m only here because they have been kind enough to let me...let me say goodbye” 

Well if that isn’t the most ominous thing he has ever heard in his life. 

“Listen I really don’t have time to play this stupid game brother so you either get out of here before-” 

“I know you feel lonely here.” 

Loki stops talking. 

“I’m not saying you don’t like it here in the library. I mean the entire palace. I also know I’m not the best brother. You deserve so much better” 

“Stop talking right now”, Loki warns him. This was never funny and it’s not about to start right now. 

“No”, Thor simply says. “I won’t because I need to say it and you need to listen to me” 

“Someday you'll say to me that I should never doubt that you love me. Well, I guess I’m beating you to it and stealing your own line but, please” Thor swallows, “never for a minute, a second, a single instant; doubt that I love you with all I’ve got. You filled my childhood with mischief, freedom, knowledge and so much love. In your own way of course” He half laughs. Loki is two minutes away from stabbing him. 

“You really need to stop whatever you’re doing because I don’t understand a single word that is coming out of your mouth” 

At that Thor’s eyes go soft. “Oh but you do. You do” 

___________ 

With a few steps Thor is right in front of Loki. He looks so young, so innocent. He would never believe him what it is to come. 

Thor is well aware that this is the last time he’s going to see the light in his green eyes. He knows it’s the last time he’ll place his hand behind his neck, right where it belongs. 

He doesn’t know he’s crying until Loki’s voice brings him back to reality. 

“Brother you’re scaring me now”, Loki is trying to understand, trying ot find anything that makes sense. But Thor knows that will not be the case. There's not enough time and they will never get a second chance. Were they always doomed? 

“Listen to me once more.", he requests for what it feels like to be the hundredth time. 

The next words come out fiercely and somehow tenderly. It's his heart talking from his deepest ends, a sound so alive that his lungs feel like they might just stop working all together. 

"I love you with everything that I have. Having you in my life is an honor few would truly understand and calling you my brother, my friend, is the greatest privilege of my life” He's out of breath somehow and it will never be enough. 

“Thor…” 

“Please just...just, just hug me?” 

Thor doesn’t know what Loki sees in his eyes but it doesn’t matter because whatever that is, is the reason why now Loki’s arms are around his back and his face hidden on his neck. 

Thor cannot for the life of him stop mumbling “I love you, I love you, I love you”. It’s desperate, raw and not even Loki can bring himself to mock him for this moment of complete weakness. He’s trembling like a child after a nightmare. 

They hold each other for years, Thor is sure of it. He hugs Loki until he feels like his body is mending all the scars that the future will bring. It's a nice thought though, only that. 

He disentangles himself from Loki’s arms and once again places his hand in the back of his brother’s neck and brings their foreheads together. 

It’s a few seconds later that a huge orange portal opens at their right. 

With a long sigh he takes a step back and looks at Loki one last time before saying: “Please remember my words”. And before Loki can even react he goes through the portal and out of his sight. 

The library has never felt this quiet.

**Author's Note:**

> You can find me on tumblr and cry with me!!! @protectingstucky


End file.
